What's my name fool?

Yeah, what is my name. Let's just say my name is Dan. You know my name is Dan, my parents know my name is Dan and my librarian knows that my name is Dan. My name is not Daniel, Danny, Dannyboy, David, Ron, Bob, or any other creative name. On my wedding invitation it says Dan Doe and Jane Doe's Wedding. The check that you are getting from me says Dan. So why do you insist on calling me Danny?

We were at my wedding and this DJ, let's say it was a she and her name was Karen (b/c as Dane Cook says, "Karen is always a douche bag") can't my name right for the life of her. So Karen proceeds to say, "Welcome to the wedding of Danny and Jane". Strike 1. My name is Dan. Then she goes "Danny and Jane want to hear those glasses clang." Strike 2. You get the point. Even after we go up there and tell her that my name is Dan, she proceeds to call me Danny. Even after my grandma goes up and says "Listen douche bag, his name is Dan and I don't know who Danny is, but you better get this right before I take my teeth out and throw down", Karen still gets it wrong.

Now, how are you suppose to make money after this wedding if you can't even say the groom's name correctly. Do you have some place else to be? Do you have to go meet your boyfriend DANNY. Who is this Danny who is supposedly at the wedding. Some summer fling you can't get out of your mind. A hidden 90210, Melrose Place, or Gossip Girl character?

Please, how hard is it? I would understand if they had some name that was like 10 syllables, but for realz. 1 syllable. That is it. 1 syllable, 3 letters. That is all it is. you suck as a MC because you don't even know who is getting married. And you suck as a DJ b/c you can't mix worth a $@!t. You are fired. End of story.